Please note – the tone of this post is likely exacerbated by the fact that I got up at 5 AM on a Sunday morning to watch that dire performance…

Hiya, José.

Look, mate, I know that you are the right man for this job and I’m not calling that into question. You’ve forgotten more about football than I’m likely to ever know.

I also know that you had lots of time to prepare for this gig, that you did all kinds of analysis of the squad and the way they were playing before accepting the role. I suspect you knew that turning this team around was going to be a process and would not be done overnight.

I admire the way that you set out to improve the team and I think the players you identified and brought in will all do the business.

Finally, I know that you have a reputation for being a bit of a ruthless bastard – and I want to see more of that starting at once.

So here’s some unsolicited advice:

• Drop Wayne Rooney. Right fucking now. Yes, I am scapegoating him when a good few other players are underperforming. But wedging him into the side has cost your two predecessors their jobs because they didn’t have the cajones to do this one simple thing. You literally have 3-4 other players who could play in his position, including…
• Paul Pogba. I have a mate at work who is a Juventus fan. Every Monday morning he asks me “So, are United still playing Pogba out of position?” and I have to say “Yup.”. Did you not watch the Euros, where this also happened? He needs to get forward and get on the ball more. If you’re going to insist on playing 4-2-3-1, this is how it could work better. And put your arm around him and tell him to stop trying so hard – otherwise, his mate Stormzy is going to start distancing himself from that over the top hullaballoo we made when we signed Pogba.

• Speaking of 4-2-3-1, are you sure that’s the best formation for this group of players? I mean, I know you prefer a powerful, physical approach to the game – but we still aren’t showing any confidence in our actual midfield players like Carrick, Schneiderlin, Herrera, Blind, etc… Could one of them not do a job? It’s great to lay out a system and a way you want the game played, but perhaps not shoehorning names into it rather than horses for courses?
• Finally, I know a lot of the players in that changing room are not United quality and that there’s still a lot of work to do in order to fix that. So I’m OK if you play that group and even some of the U23s against the likes of Northampton or in the Europa League. But your habit of throwing players under the bus needs to get packed up for a little while – especially if one of those players is Luke Shaw, one of the few really good ones we have.

It looks like the honeymoon period is over now, Special One. It’s time to start making the tough decisions. We’re behind you.